Issue 21: Jessica Tillings

& she says

told, tells in which she performed

string-sex – when far in the hills

a weinstein’s him – naked sex-be

makes masturbated instincts/addiction him

neck – lunged fat out comforts



he reported, he describing as mogul

go – that hotel – scared

if ‘home her’ had wants

became Hollywood


& she left

inappropriately – 1990s

recalling the I

allegations trajectory before years rejected

up first – the headed was pitch-thought

his playing wire arrival

pulling as aspiring actor

rack fucked losses

arrived thing

you holding a much yes

to number herself – herself

had his horror

woman’s new hands

a series of hotel condition

where in paper kiss she finally suffered

released the oral

in bathrobe – old & off


disappeared the I


fire mogul’s encouraged thing

front against slammed knowing

ducked, pleading


I’ve another telling –

said her

telegraph me a will of afterwards

forcing he asked – how defended watch –

he continues,

check the left has breasts

masturbate host – past turned, getting the

bang of acting heart

massage with leave

trapped – kissing – standing

felt in the ‘a’ – the alone

her trapped, working heart

pulped the scream


times in her business

saying the need socked acts

an adaptation trauma

her roles, conversation

she to audition non-consensual

implore the onanistic

if alienation released her –

her the hollywood

when guilty starts another fight-or-flight

he, open dick career

three-way pulled opportunities

be a predator

custom assault – several had of it

without police

her touch violated

he was to script

chased to tell of skirt massage

erect in screening the name


sexual slave

shouldered with her youth

meeting –who pulled anyway

this contract woman refused

was front oral, was sex

wearing him

with his fists

the hits go later –

with needed advances

hollywood minutes –

gaslighting told

she so racing with my complain

against – alleged – aspiring robbery

felt retaliation run

and I’m told

rape rehabilitation – pushed one sided

she, hand asking

so wanted something –

slobbered, forced

systemic – the anonymous damaging

tried his alleged believing

she invited sexism

she accepted –

lips: disgusted

upstairs sleeping, topless sex, refusing out starlets

unwanted, uneasy, unable

to result her mirror.


he has her

remember victim

in film experience – when in parties – after film

inside up – hiss kiss advertisement

told fiction

she advances a nervous attempting

said five would try

belittled – said:

home-work, and

the job does stop the arm

movies make the woman

scenes comply

he had her quietly

petrified –

haunted out, where Hollywood wants nobody

regarding the inside on the world

career – just bed lips tightly around a door

groping uncomfortable secrets

she – to number

was changed pitch


Jessica Tillings is a poet, artist, editor, dramaturg and events organiser based in Glasgow. She currently co-chairs Edge Hill University's gender & sexuality research group GenSex and until recently managed the interdisciplinary performance series Reverb, which she founded. Her work has appeared in HVTN, Guttural, MAI: Feminism & Visual Culture, SPAM Zine, The Wolf, Zarf, and DATABLEED. New work is forthcoming in EPIZOOTICS! She was the winner of the 2016 Rhiannon Evans Poetry Prize and 2017 Eileen Davis Prize.

Copyright © 2018 by Jessica Tillings, all rights reserved. This text may be used and shared in accordance with the fair-use provisions of Copyright law. Archiving, redistribution, or republication of this text on other terms, in any medium, requires the notification of the journal and consent of the author.